Whispers

Are you asleep?


Do you remember the day we met?


Do you remember the first thing you said to me?

I do.

I was just coming in and you were just leaving. I was looking over my shoulder talking so I didn’t see you until it was too late. We backed right into each other and I dropped my keys. You picked them up for me and then you looked directly down at me and it seemed like I could see right through your eyes and into your soul. Then you smiled and I saw that your teeth were just slightly crooked and I liked it.

I love your smile. Have I ever told you that?

Mmm.

But do you remember what you said?

“Sorry, there, sweetheart.” And you smiled again and gave me back my keys.

I remember that so well. How old were you then? You couldn’t have been more than twenty. So how old was I?

I guess it doesn’t really matter. I was a virgin then, anyway. So however old that would make me. Young. Plenty younger than you. You weren’t my first, though. Maybe the best. Maybe. But not the first.

I loved your accent. I still do. I know you hate hearing that but it’s true.

I remember the clothes you wore. I don’t remember mine but I remember yours exactly. You had fitted jeans. I bet Vicky made you buy them, didn’t he? I didn’t know Vicky then, though. Fitted jeans and a black leather belt, and a blue and white striped shirt. You had the sleeves rolled up to your elbows. It was unbuttoned and you had a plain white ribbed shirt on underneath. I think that blue shirt had metallic thread in it.

Does it? Do you still have that shirt? Didn’t you wear it yesterday?

Maybe it was the day before.

I like that shirt.

Do you still have it?

That was the day we met.

I can’t remember when it was that I first heard you play. I had never heard anybody play like you. It sounded like singing, but you didn’t say a thing. You weren’t singing, but I could swear I could hear words.

You smelled good. I think you had been sucking on a mint or something and you smelled good. For the longest time you didn’t see me standing there. When you finally saw me you stopped playing and smiled. That smile that’s crooked but very white. A snake-charming smile, I’ve always thought. I guess that sounds a little strange. I’ve never said that out loud before.


How did we get here?


How the hell did we get here?

I guess it doesn’t matter anymore.

You put the guitar down and asked me what I thought. I smiled. I can’t remember what I said but you threw a capo at me and told me to shut up. I laughed and said I was kidding. I hope you believed me because it was the truth.

I like that guitar. The one you were playing that day. Do you still have that guitar? Or did you sell it?

You had a braid in your hair that day. It made me smile. I like your hair. I’m glad you’ve left it natural.

I never used to like blonde hair until I met you.

Mmm.

I’ll sing for you if you like. Whenever you want. Because you always play for me when I want to hear it.

I know we promised that we wouldn’t get attached. That it couldn’t ever work. Because I’m too young. That’s what you keep saying. But I think we both forget sometimes.

Did you ever feel guilty?

I hope you didn’t feel guilty.




You know what?



I think I love you.

And I hope you’re really asleep.





Because I don’t know if I wanted you to hear that.